Setting boundaries is a vital part of mental health and well-being. Without healthy boundaries, we teach people how to treat us.
Boundaries are the limits you set for yourself. They dictate your choices. They are not about getting someone else to change their behavior. When one person gives more than the other, those relationships become obligations. Poor boundaries can lead to resentment, anger, and burnout.
How to Set Boundaries
Say “no” simply but firmly to something you do not want to do. Don’t feel that you need to explain. This is a crucial aspect of setting boundaries: everyone has the right to determine what they do and do not want to do. Saying no isn’t selfish or inconsiderate.
- Know thyself. Get to know yourself, your beliefs, emotions, feelings, and ideas; learn what’s really important to you, what you really value apart from anyone else.
- Take responsibility for yourself. Set your limits about what you expect of others: how you want to be spoken to, touched, and treated psychologically and emotionally. Whatever you say goes, no matter what others may think, feel, or believe.
- Develop a healthy respect for yourself. No one besides you, no matter how persuasive they may be, can define you or control who you are. When you respect yourself, you should expect others will treat you with respect. If they don’t, that’s a clear sign not to engage.
- Heed the warning signs. Stay away from anyone who has his or her own agenda, mistreats you or is disrespectful of your wishes, or refuses to hear you. Be ready to walk away without fear or guilt, and don’t look back.
- Separate yourself from others. This means that you are able to separate your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs from others. You understand that your boundaries are different from others.
